Now is close to the end of september already....
left 1 month plus....
i wont be seeing friends that live at the opposite end of the island frequently anymore....
i wont be waking up at 6 plus am for breakfast,
i wont be dreading to go for live runs during mons,weds and fris...
i wont be afraid to lie on the bed anymore...
i wont be hiding in some unknown place to avoid arrows...
i wont be the one to clear rubbish at the rubbish point,
i wont be the one folding blankets and tidying up the bunk for everyone...
i wont be afraid of getting a weekend burnt...
i wont be seeing the wall anymore...
i wont be seeing the few animals....
i wont be someone's godson anymore...(more of a willing feeling instead of a reluctant one)
i wont be touching the tank anymore...
i wont be doing WITs project using the lousy impress programme...
i wont be going out in the nights to yew tee and lot 1 and causeway point..
i wont be touching my number 24 again...
i wont be smelling and touching carbon anymore...
i wont be using more than 5mins to put on a pair of shoes
i wont be dressed in a single shade of colour again...
i wont be eating peas and rasins rice again...
i wont be seeing mr gan again...
i wont be smelling the k9 unit smell again...
i wont be able to enjoy the talks that we have in the night before our sleep...
i wont be hearing the live piano performances from tim, andeous and x.x.xxxxuan wei..
i wont be able to hear mingyang's charming voice...
i wont be able to hear si wei's contagious laughter...
i wont be hearing ryo's interesting new songs...
i wont be seeing kenny's peaceful look when he is sleeping...
i wont be seeing wilson playing psp till late at night and of course his fabulous ability of spreading rumours...
i wont be hearing shuan's accent..
i wont be seeing nich rushing to be the first one to sign the book in/out book...
i wont be seeing moks artistically arranged stuffs around his sleeping area..
i wont be seeing rj slacking in the storeman bunk..
i wont be smelling raghu's formidable feet..
i wont be seeing bernard's over the moon smile...
i wont be seeing my cu mo ops buddy..
i wont be seeing edward NE!!!
i wont be hearing john's and eugene's new chapters of the series of unfortunate events of wesley..
i wont be seeing junyi's moments of agitation...(neck extension)
And finally wont be seeing the shrek and donkey anymore... heeheee
Friday, September 26, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
rain
another 3 more months ..i will be free again....
but i do not know whether i have enough motivation to scrape through this period.
as time seems to reach to an end....the hands on the clocks seem to be getting heavier...
every second felt like minutes...every minute felt like hours....
and things that i do...now appears to be getting on every else's nerves.
Am i still doing too much..?
everytime i try to put in my best...there will always be someone out there who will put a wet blanket over me.
but ironically...these people out there regard me as their wet blanket.
things on earth are so difficult to balance...perhaps thats what they term as imperfect when things doesnt go their desired way.
the weather out there is pouring with rain again... another attempt by god to balance things out...
to allow those who are constantly preoccupied by themselves to genuinely sit down and reflect on their actions. to allow those who are always seeing blissful and fortunate things happening around them to realise that things are not always this way.... pain and relief...they come together... we always hate pain....we look forward to relief...no matter wat the solutions might be...but once the pain end....we will always look back and realise how much a person can grow through pain. maybe its a human's survival instinct to protect their ownself...irregardless of how selfless their solutions or actions might be...they will always dive into the quickest and easiest way out. But not do they know that its a whole vicious cycle. I stab u from ur back...next time i will definitely find a way to pay it back...haha..thats the game that adults are playing.
i feel lost and lonely most of the time...not because i dont have people who cares for me...though i have loads of friends ....loving family....there are too many of these questions that bothers me....and no one could provide me with the answer.
i always think that it its a joke for a twenty year old to be bothered so much about these things.
but i realise i have a greater sense of empathy for those who had lived beyond my age and not realising about all these attributes of life...
but i do not know whether i have enough motivation to scrape through this period.
as time seems to reach to an end....the hands on the clocks seem to be getting heavier...
every second felt like minutes...every minute felt like hours....
and things that i do...now appears to be getting on every else's nerves.
Am i still doing too much..?
everytime i try to put in my best...there will always be someone out there who will put a wet blanket over me.
but ironically...these people out there regard me as their wet blanket.
things on earth are so difficult to balance...perhaps thats what they term as imperfect when things doesnt go their desired way.
the weather out there is pouring with rain again... another attempt by god to balance things out...
to allow those who are constantly preoccupied by themselves to genuinely sit down and reflect on their actions. to allow those who are always seeing blissful and fortunate things happening around them to realise that things are not always this way.... pain and relief...they come together... we always hate pain....we look forward to relief...no matter wat the solutions might be...but once the pain end....we will always look back and realise how much a person can grow through pain. maybe its a human's survival instinct to protect their ownself...irregardless of how selfless their solutions or actions might be...they will always dive into the quickest and easiest way out. But not do they know that its a whole vicious cycle. I stab u from ur back...next time i will definitely find a way to pay it back...haha..thats the game that adults are playing.
i feel lost and lonely most of the time...not because i dont have people who cares for me...though i have loads of friends ....loving family....there are too many of these questions that bothers me....and no one could provide me with the answer.
i always think that it its a joke for a twenty year old to be bothered so much about these things.
but i realise i have a greater sense of empathy for those who had lived beyond my age and not realising about all these attributes of life...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
THe JUNe days
I looked and pondered,
Where would all these go?
Its like a container of water,
water that dances with the alternate tilting of the container.
I searched and observed,
Where are they going?
Its like an evergoing construction site,
where workers marches and do not ever sweat.
I thought and talked,
What am i doing?
Its like an never ending vicious cycle,
where my mind is frozen with endless boredom.
I yearn for my wings,
I wish to fly and soar,
I hope that the hands would move double its speed,
Just hopes it ends.............
Where would all these go?
Its like a container of water,
water that dances with the alternate tilting of the container.
I searched and observed,
Where are they going?
Its like an evergoing construction site,
where workers marches and do not ever sweat.
I thought and talked,
What am i doing?
Its like an never ending vicious cycle,
where my mind is frozen with endless boredom.
I yearn for my wings,
I wish to fly and soar,
I hope that the hands would move double its speed,
Just hopes it ends.............
Monday, May 19, 2008
Piano
I am the pianist. A pianist that ironically wishes that his piano would play on its own. A pianist without scores...without even the slightest knowledge of what music is...still hopes and wishes to perform.
What is music to him?
Something intagible but it provides the strongest support for him.
What else?
Something that would revolve around his life and make it the most beautiful thing on earth.
Me the pianist, at times would stroll down rows of shophouses selling pianos...
But i would always end up a lonely journey back home...
That is when i will put away my role as a pianist....
Feeling the sense of freedom but also the desire again to play the next melody.
What is music to him?
Something intagible but it provides the strongest support for him.
What else?
Something that would revolve around his life and make it the most beautiful thing on earth.
Me the pianist, at times would stroll down rows of shophouses selling pianos...
But i would always end up a lonely journey back home...
That is when i will put away my role as a pianist....
Feeling the sense of freedom but also the desire again to play the next melody.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Ripples within the waves of life
I like the colour yellow. It lightens me up, cheers me up and perks me up. To me its an extraordinary colour that would remain as it is no matter how bad the surrounding environment is. It is a colour that brings life to those that are suffering in darkness. It is a colour that brings hope to people.
I guess everything in life is hard to balance and hard to grasp. At times when you thought that you had fully understand the meaning of certain stuffs in life...someone would be there to prove you wrong. That is when you will start to question on your own beliefs...causing your central pillar of credence to be shaken.
For the past few years, I had always been asking myself if I had done too many a good things for others. (Not that I'm a saint or anything...and not as though I had done a million of nice stuffs to people)...but credibly I'm always thinking for others first before myself. Because I had this mentality for a really long time..which is ; everything works within a cycle, if you are nice to someone..maybe a day later or a yr later or even a decade later he or she will eventually repay you. And it makes my heart tickles when i see someone smile or showing signs of gratitude towards me.
But once again...under the reality of life and the crucial means of survivability in the adult world ...such simple application of the simple equation good=good is never valid. Therefore at times...learning how to say NO and be firm with your own stand is encouraged. Being a devil for once or twice can actually prevent future complications..such as people starting to treat you as a slave..people starting to make use of your '' goodness'' for their own benefits...people start to climb over your head.
Until now I do not know whether it is a blessing a not for me to be able to think so much...being able to analyze stuffs so detailedly. Sometimes it troubles me but at times it allows me to see more things in life as compared to others...( especially those who lives within their own lives of selfishness)
I guess everything in life is hard to balance and hard to grasp. At times when you thought that you had fully understand the meaning of certain stuffs in life...someone would be there to prove you wrong. That is when you will start to question on your own beliefs...causing your central pillar of credence to be shaken.
For the past few years, I had always been asking myself if I had done too many a good things for others. (Not that I'm a saint or anything...and not as though I had done a million of nice stuffs to people)...but credibly I'm always thinking for others first before myself. Because I had this mentality for a really long time..which is ; everything works within a cycle, if you are nice to someone..maybe a day later or a yr later or even a decade later he or she will eventually repay you. And it makes my heart tickles when i see someone smile or showing signs of gratitude towards me.
But once again...under the reality of life and the crucial means of survivability in the adult world ...such simple application of the simple equation good=good is never valid. Therefore at times...learning how to say NO and be firm with your own stand is encouraged. Being a devil for once or twice can actually prevent future complications..such as people starting to treat you as a slave..people starting to make use of your '' goodness'' for their own benefits...people start to climb over your head.
Until now I do not know whether it is a blessing a not for me to be able to think so much...being able to analyze stuffs so detailedly. Sometimes it troubles me but at times it allows me to see more things in life as compared to others...( especially those who lives within their own lives of selfishness)
Friday, April 18, 2008
Halo HA!`
I was walking home with my friends one day..and i just adruptly pointed straight to the sky and say " Hey look at those clouds..they look beautiful!". But blatantly i was replied with faces of disapproval.
That was then i felt lonely again. How i wish someone would admire and appreciate such things in life with me. That was then again i felt different. While the others would go on blabbering about how interesting computer gameplays are and how soccer would cause an uproar in their life...i just smiled..blankly smiled...as though i was fitting into their conversation.
And i do know that people likes to complain....everytime when things that they do not wish to do are thrown to them...they will start questioning why..den followed on by comparing to others...den after that they will proceed on to hide from or deflect the responsiblities to others.
Thus everytime such things happen...the first thought that comes to my mind is ... how i wish how i wish...how i wish everyone else would have slightly more initiative ...slightly more motivation....
I will always look around me...people from different family backgrounds..that was when i started to realise how childhood realli makes a difference in a person's life. I have this friend of mine that was born in a family that isnt well off...but i respect him most as compared to any one else. Not that he is just a nice guy...but the way that he cares for his siblings..his parents really touched me. Sometimes when i overheard conversations between him and his family through phone...i envy him to a certain extent. Den i will qns myself why cant i show that amount of concern to my family as well.
and once again I guess i will be continuing to walk down this path in my life that will not meet any junctions, any crossroads...and it will not change unless i start to make my own turn.
That was then i felt lonely again. How i wish someone would admire and appreciate such things in life with me. That was then again i felt different. While the others would go on blabbering about how interesting computer gameplays are and how soccer would cause an uproar in their life...i just smiled..blankly smiled...as though i was fitting into their conversation.
And i do know that people likes to complain....everytime when things that they do not wish to do are thrown to them...they will start questioning why..den followed on by comparing to others...den after that they will proceed on to hide from or deflect the responsiblities to others.
Thus everytime such things happen...the first thought that comes to my mind is ... how i wish how i wish...how i wish everyone else would have slightly more initiative ...slightly more motivation....
I will always look around me...people from different family backgrounds..that was when i started to realise how childhood realli makes a difference in a person's life. I have this friend of mine that was born in a family that isnt well off...but i respect him most as compared to any one else. Not that he is just a nice guy...but the way that he cares for his siblings..his parents really touched me. Sometimes when i overheard conversations between him and his family through phone...i envy him to a certain extent. Den i will qns myself why cant i show that amount of concern to my family as well.
and once again I guess i will be continuing to walk down this path in my life that will not meet any junctions, any crossroads...and it will not change unless i start to make my own turn.
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