hehe

Time trickles away
Seeping
Everytime i look at her
The battle scars of time and her weak body is so vivid
I know she needs me more than i need her
But she is wrong
I cant imagine my life without her
Someone to walk with
Someone who loves to wrap her hands around my arms when she walks beside me
Someone who laughs and smiles when i tease her
Someone who talks rubbish with me
Someone who worries about me

Today, I ask her to take a 5 min break from housechores
and have a sit on the bed...
I went off and hid behind the door
and peeked...to see if she is resting
hahhaaa uncontrollably tears started to flow
my heart turned sour
twisted....
i finally notice how time is unforgiving
how illnesses are unforgiving

i want her to feel better
be healthy again
be happy again
but i felt helpless...i could never bring back time....
she looks like some innocent kid....listening to my orders..sitting at the edge of the bed and reading a magazine...
hahaa.........
i wish i can do more...besides...making time for her during holidays...
Time really flies...

Maybe me myself now...is all wasted....
like a piece of flat tire..
haha
where did all my motivation go?
a young man like me should be looking forward to attaining my 5Cs in life...
plans for this and that!
Making alot alot of money!

maybe im tired already......
im always there for others....always making sure if they are alright....accompany them
but i always fail to look out for myself...
ppl tell me all the time....try to love urself ....give urself some value....haha i agree
but i dunno how to....cos i hated myself so much last time....i guess i need time to accept myself again...haha digging old scars could be painful...

But thanks again..for ppl around me
i love u guys..and hope that u guys love me too....
Thanks for everything :) and please love the people u have around u now....its not really nice to regret later in life...haha

HAppy posts

OMG...Dust dust dust everywhere....

hahah i guess is kinda outdated to post something in blog...but i guess mmm...i can treat it as a garbage bin for rubbish thoughts..

recently i seemed to have lost track of time...or maybe i didnt want to keep track of time....

holidays...the time permitted for me to catch up on stuffs that i have lost during school terms..

the time for me rest my body...rest my mind...and to gear up for the next battle...

even though i strongly believed in that...it had never happened to me...haha...

i actualy do feel stress without a day of planning...without deadlines...it just feels that as though time has gone to waste...not every bit of the second is put to good use....wasting my life staring in front of the computer..watching shows after shows...playing pokemon after pokemon...eating after eating...sleeping after sleeping.

many things had happened lately....until im not sure what my emotions are....it feels like....a mesh up lump of stones in my chest area...haha..i dunno whether its good or bad

bad is because i dunno what am i doing

good is because i dunno what am i doing

( i used to set up barriers to hide the true emotions) ( so unless u are some superhuman that could read peoples mind.. practically nobody knows me )

but wat lies underneath these facades are what man really needs....which i think most of us are seriously lacking in....the idea of genuinity is diminishing...

as human interaction gets lesser...with the presence of "high tech gadgets" the skill of masking totally rule the world now...haha

...sometimes you really do not know the hidden emotions behind whatever the person is typing..

maybe they can go... ohoh please take good care of yourself (like i would be bothered with you )

its quite scary though.

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sometimes its just a mere distance away

i tried to take a few steps

thought you were close

but i felt i am not

then backed a few steps back again

back to square one

-

sometimes i thought efforts are enough

i tried to put in more

thought u were close

but felt that i needed more

then backed a few steps back again

back to square one

-

anticipation and waiting

day to day

messaging and sharing

is like a must

i'll feel weird without one

what about you?

-

tidal waves came one after another

your smile on the face went along with it

when is the sunny smile and laughter ever gonna rise again?

helplessness as i may feel.. all i could do is to make u laugh

-

i thought i did enough

but i questioned again did i?

but i questioned again should i?

time will never stop for me to wait and think

but i chose to wait

afraid that what i think wasnt what i think

-

forgive and pardon for my timidness

as assumptions and guesses clouded everything..

-

it has been 6 years...haha everything comes and go....as if it is meant to be

as much i had disembarked away from this journey...i still made my way back

im just afraid that it had became a habit

something that might make me make the wrong decision

but life is all about trial and error isnt it? haha

-

time will come if it is meant to be...

but it will also end if it is meant to be....

-

people talk about grabbing oportunities....hahah im really bad in that.....i will just turn my back around and say its ok.....i might be searching for excuses...for i may not be able to fufil any promises...or maybe im really hard on myself again...

-

just like the hands on the clock face, when will ever both hands meet? it would only be a mere min..once its gone, i will have to wait again...hahaha but i dunno whether its worth waiting for.. :)